What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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