Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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