What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
