i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
