She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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