The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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