So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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