yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
