I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I have fence marks all over my body
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