I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
