true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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