Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
