If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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