Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
