i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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