I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
