I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
