after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
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You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
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I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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