I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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