I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
