This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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