He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
