I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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