I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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