the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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