entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
