she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
