Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
