Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
