my mouth tastes like poor choices
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
