My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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