that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
