...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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