he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
