it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
