school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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