So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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