Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
