he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
