i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Randomize
