Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
