he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
