i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
There's always time for handjobs
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
