I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize