So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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