U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
