You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
