You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
