I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Your penis caused this!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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