If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
