and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize