I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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