i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
