I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
