This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
