She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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