Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
