Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
