i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize