Soap is not a condiment
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
