she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
