Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
